Self-Absorbed and So Amazing

Day one: Humble attempt at recording my life’s moments in the hopes that I’ll learn something.

Perhaps I’m just hyper-sensitive (true), perhaps I’m just overdramatic (very true), perhaps I just have an over-stimulated imagination (quite possible)…I'm still waiting for that "aha" moment, that life-changing insight that jumpstarts everything. And I want you to accept me. I don’t care about you, your values, your interests…I simply want you to accept me and adore me and give me lots of undivided attention. This is who I am and this is the reason for this self-absorbed blog - to track my own life, my own experience and to hopefully (and faithfully) gain some insight into what life is presenting.

I’ve been migrating East for the last 12 years (my first adventure beginning shortly after leaving home after high school in 1997). I’ve been up, I’ve been down, I’ve been in danger, I’ve been around…fast forward to 2007…my friend-turned-boyfriend asked for me to be his wife, followed by a wedding 5 short months later, coupled with a change in jobs, followed by the news that we were expecting our first child (within 2 months of marriage), followed by buying (and building) our first home, followed by another job change (holding breath, sigh), all culminating to selling our house just a year after we moved in (without even putting in the market), and packing our lives in order to move homeward to our families …it’s been turbulent, exciting., and overwhelming, to say the least. Oh, I forgot to mention the most important detail of these past two years (with the exception of the birth of my son) – I recently turned 30.

Here I am, today - Life spinning ‘round my head in chaotic circles, my soul questioning every decision I’ve ever made…How did I get here and how could I escape (if wanted to)…I haven’t found what I’m good at, I’m out of shape, I’m longing for simpler days when it was just me and my cats (R.I.P. Maximus) and my one beloved credit card. Life is pressed upon me now with such a force that I cannot run away. And here I go…

Migrating again soon, but this time back “West”. My husband, my son, my cat, and all my memories areg being packed up, we're selling our house, moving in with the in-laws, and starting a new life in a new town in a new state with no friends and our share of debt and (I hope) enough faith, love, and trust to see us through.

This blog is the only way I know how to cope. When my son was born (no, really when I started dating my husband), I stopped writing in journals and began to internalize every emotion and every urge…I let go of anonymity and accepted the responsiblities that come with having and providing for a family. Now, I’m realizing that if I don’t find a way back to my inner self, I may impose ridiculous and detrimental tendencies on my child…something I’d rather not do.

So...Goals:

1 – Return to self

2 – Create a bucket list for Charleston, this beautiful and remarkable city that I’ll soon be leaving

3 – Allow myself to be happy

4 – Become a better wife, mother, friend

5 – Experience…every day

6 – Start a mild revolution (whatever cause that may be)

Oh,and...

7 – Be amazing